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Why children need boundaries for using electronic devices

July 22, 2015
A documentary titled “Web Junkie” recently aired on PBS; it described military-style camps in China, designed to withdraw children from their addiction to the Internet. In our local papers, we read about a juror who sent 7,000 texts during a murder trial and other cases where jurors tweeted, emailed and accessed social media. Jurors are being fined and jailed for contempt, and mistrials are being declared. On the other hand, criminals also can't resist texting and tweeting; crimes are reconstructed through texts, alibis proved or disproved, and movements tracked.
In the theater world, Patti Lupone walked off stage into the audience and confiscated a cellphone from a woman who persisted in texting during the show. At another theater, a patron leapt on stage before the show to recharge his phone in an outlet that was part of the set. Many of us peek at our phones during meals or conversations, but where are the limits?
At Peachtown, we don't allow phones or personal devices of any sort in school. Everything stays in the backpack. If devices emerge during the day without permission, we do a Patti Lupone and hang on to the device until the end of the day. It is troubling when that action results in what "Lord of the Rings" fans would recognize as a Gollum moment. If your child treats a device as “my precious,” there might be a problem. Of course, students use computers and iPads for research and presentations, but recreational use has no place in school.
Raising and teaching children to be considerate and responsible adults involves endless decisions, choices and boundaries. Boundaries are imposed by parents and teachers, and when children are raised with boundaries, they learn to shape their own standards of behavior. Boundaries are flexible, like a hedge that is difficult to cross, but not barriers topped with razor wire. Too few boundaries leave children floundering, and too many spark rebellion. Within this vast gray area, children learn self-discipline.
So how do children end up in camps being deprogrammed? Why do adults ignore the rules a judge prescribes in a trial that will determine the fate of a man's life? And why does an 8-year-old react with horror when a device is resting in the next room for the day?
Ironically, you can find the answers by Googling the question. The studies and articles on the idea of Internet addiction are legion. Various sources list the rate of Internet addiction from around 6 percent of users to 14 percent of teen male users. Many do not confer the label of addiction to Internet usage at all, but few can argue the fact that pleasurable experiences release dopamines in the brain, which heighten pleasure and encourage repetition: It can be gambling, drinking, the Internet or any number of things. In any case, addictive behaviors run amok gradually replace more important elements in life, such as academic performance, family time and social effectiveness, but early patterning can help.
Just as children should have boundaries that ensure a healthy diet, safe play, appropriate behaviors and social skills, they need boundaries when it comes to recreational use of computers, smartphones or other handheld devices. Shaping these behaviors in the very young will pay off in adolescent years, when increased independence necessitates loosening boundaries.
Ask yourself: Do your children bring devices to the dining table? Do they postpone their schoolwork or getting ready for bed, or beg for just a few more minutes with their devices before school? Do they panic when a device fails? Do they retreat to their rooms, rather than interact with friends and family? Are they disengaged at school and anxious to get home to their computers? If too many answers are yes, your children may be losing themselves in a virtual reality.
In the end, there is no substitute for human interaction: shared conversation, play, physical games, dining and working together. All parents have days when TV, a movie or a video game offer some much-needed respite, but it should be respite, not routine. Otherwise, your child might one day make a comment like one of the children in “Web Junkie,” who explained himself by saying, “Reality is too fake.” Need I say more?
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