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How school lunches can signal misguided parenting

December 13, 2016
A school is an interesting place to observe changing trends in child-rearing. Readers of my generation will recall the brown bag with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, two carrot sticks and an apple. On a good day, there was a cookie. Oh sure, there were those children whose lunches I envied; one friend had just three-quarters of a tuna-on-lettuce sandwich, and another had what I thought was the most exotic sandwich of all: pepperoni on white bread. But in the end, the theme was the same: sandwich, vegetable, fruit. And, I don’t recall ever having a snack time, although I do remember listening to my stomach growl all morning.
Today, most children bring a daunting array of foods in their lunchbox, with as many as eight selections from which to choose. Whether healthy or not, the sheer variety of foods is curious to me and perhaps a little window into larger parenting trends.
Parents (and teachers) hope to offer children healthy and happy experiences to nurture them and help them grow. The trends now are undoubtedly leaning toward offering a wide array of experiences. Like the lunchbox, the dizzying selection of enrichment experiences offered to children both in and out of school may be viewed as a great opportunity and a positive statement about social concern for child welfare. Instinctively, however, I pine for a little more simplicity.
An early lesson for young parents is offering a fussy toddler just a few options to choose from. It is easier for children to manage themselves with clear and limited options. It is step one in learning to make good choices and to collaborate, cooperate and compromise. I love food, and have an adventurous palate, but at any one meal, I like a few good food pairings, which I can thoroughly savor. Variety may be the spice of life, but do we have to experience it all at once?
Just as a 5-year-old looks at the smorgasbord in their lunchbox and wonders what to eat, generally picking a little of this and that and perhaps finishing nothing, we encourage children to experience in bulk and perhaps savor little. While admittedly pushing this analogy too far, I think childhood “grazing” highlights what seems to be the growing tendency for parents to offer children as much as they can to forego any immediate disappointments. The long-term risk is teaching children to expect others to offer them a great deal and to be easily disappointed if the standard is not met.
Simple, clear choices help children become independent decision-makers. Good parenting or teaching decisions are framed around what is best for the child, balancing the needs of the present with those of the long run. Decisions that are framed around what makes me feel like I’ve done a good job as a parent or teacher are missing the point. The two perspectives result in a fine, but critical, distinction.
There is something to be said for getting a little hungry, eating everything in that bag lunch and feeling satisfied — I mean that literally and figuratively. Teaching children to dabble rather than dig in, pick and choose instead of following through, or watch parents jump through hoops instead of just accepting what’s offered, is a trend that seems headed in the wrong direction.

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