Children should learn to cope with stress

March 8, 2017

In recent years, increasing numbers of students have transferred to Peachtown Elementary because their schools have become too stressful for them. They often come after prolonged bouts of truancy brought on by anxiety — sometimes crippling — or when school just becomes too miserable. The source of this disturbing phenomenon seems to be a confluence of factors, some obvious ones such as academic, testing and social pressures, and some less concrete. Our contemporary culture, parenting styles and expectations may also be important elements.

Today’s teachers and students are pressured to teach and learn new curricula under a very tight timeline, with high-stakes testing in play. This stress inevitably affects students, not just because of the testing, but because the pace of study is accelerated, homework is unrelenting and success and failure are measured in unforgiving numbers. Middle school-age children are most vulnerable — caught in that grey area between childish reliance and the need to be independent — and least able to navigate the pace and variety of pressures they face. Does anyone remember seventh grade? It seldom has provided a source of life’s highlights.

An ongoing debate over parenting and schooling philosophies rages between those who believe in teaching “grit” or resilience, and those who find such a purpose a vestige of puritanical adherence to hard work as a virtue unto itself. The arguments on each side have merit. Like so many other controversies, the matter is one of moderation. Teaching children to accept their strengths and weaknesses, take responsibility for their actions and value effort and creativity above the numbers is the compromise between the two positions. Perseverance and resilience, where and when appropriate, is a wonderful trait — as is accepting personal limitations and directing efforts to potential successes.

Admittedly, I lean a little toward grit when it comes to managing stress. I do think children need to learn not just strategies to cope with stress, but what external stress is and what self-inflicted stress is. When internally generated stress is created without acknowledging its source, the problem is labeled as something out of our reach. If its source is procrastination, fear or insecurity, for example, it can only be managed by owning and addressing it as such.

In today’s culture, we all talk about stress — it is a regular part of our daily conversation. We share our stressful moments, post quips about it on Facebook and use it to make excuses for our shortcomings. One day at school, a 5-year-old announced that she couldn’t pick up the blocks she had played with because she was feeling stressed. I believe I corrected her thinking on stress and cleanup, but it did highlight the pervasiveness of the rhetoric.

Every teacher and parent must acknowledge that children may be anxious and fearful and become stressed, but also use every opportunity to help them clarify what is truly stressful, what is in their power to control, and what strategies might help. This is, of course, something that adults should practice on themselves, as well. How we define and manage our own stresses sets the tone for our children and students.

I am happy that Peachtown can help many of these students to get back on track, start going to school, pick their heads up off the table and begin to enjoy life again, but I would greatly prefer not to see so many unhappy parents and students knocking on the doors of Peachtown.

Now, I will relieve my procrastination-induced stress and submit this article to my editor — late, but I feel better already.