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Amid election talk, children should be taught language of respect

October 19, 2016
Two months ago, I wrote about the less than appropriate dialogue that has riddled this presidential campaign and the difficulties it poses for engaging children in our most fundamental democratic process. Obviously, this situation has not improved in the past few weeks.
As a result of the recent news coverage of the presidential campaign, Kelly Oxford started the tweet #notokay. It began, “Women: tweet me your first assaults. They aren’t just stats. I’ll go first…” By the time this is printed, well over 30 million women will have read and/or responded to this tweet. This is a depressing and damning comment on our culture.
After just a moment of reflection, many of my own experiences surfaced. In conversations with my female friends and family members, almost all could relate experiences of harassment or assaults, some of them violent. We talked about this without surprise. We all know that’s how it was and still is. The viral response to this tweet, however, has brought the dialogue to the surface, which is where it belongs. Women of all ages are subjected to unwelcome comments, advances and assaults. While this is not an exclusively female problem, victims are overwhelmingly girls and women.
As I reflected on this miserable status quo, I realized that some good could come out of this salacious campaign discourse. While the discussion of feminine and masculine roles in society is a topic too vast to address here, what we can distill from Kelly Oxford’s tweet is that parents and educators need a good reminder to keep their awareness of gender-based disrespect, abuse and assault at the forefront as we raise and educate children.
A simple place to start is to teach children the language of respect. We need to instill an awareness of just how powerful language is; insisting upon respectful language goes a long way toward shaping behavior. This is true within families and among siblings, just as it is in school or in the wider social arena. It is never OK to use cruel language. It is never OK to denigrate or dismiss others. Parents, especially, need to model gender-sensitive language and an intolerance for disrespect. If mothers are belittled in the home, the children are learning to take it or dish it out.
Our girls need to have explicit conversations with adults about the many kinds of inappropriate behavior they might encounter and how to handle it. They need to know more than to be aware of predator strangers; predator acquaintances are more likely. And, sadly, they need to know that sometimes, as young girls, it is very difficult to understand just how inappropriate an encounter actually is until they are older. These are the ones we never tell, because we think we handled it badly.
We also must encourage boys to be sensitive and kind, to have self-respect and respect for others. They are not entitled or superior; girls are their equals. Helping boys recognize the difference between masculinity and aggressive speech or behavior is critical. Using denigrating language, even if it’s just with other guys, is the mark of an unattractive man.
We all must be more vigilant, speak out more and teach our children both respectful language and respectful behavior, especially the powerful language that says, "No, it's not OK."
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